Being a single Mother

As you may know, I am a single mother of two. Being a single mother is the toughest but most rewarding jobs anyone could possibly have. I do admit, at times, I have felt like giving up. Like when the baby wont stop crying no matter what I do. Or when I run out of diapers and formula and the father could care less. The stress of not knowing how or when things are going to get better. But more often, I couldn't imagine my life without my children. Watching my son laugh at stupid cartoons. The joy in his eyes when he brings home a good report form school. When he hugs, kisses and tells me 'I'm the best mom in the whole world.' Or when I wake up next to my baby girl and she gives me the biggest smile and giggle, because in her eyes, I could do no wrong!

Women become single parents for many different reasons. Mainly because we are the ones that carry the children. There is no saying, "That's not my baby!" And its not as easy for us to walk away. Don't get me wrong, some mothers do walk away and the father steps up to raise the children, but most of the time, there is no father. I do feel that children need both parents in their lives. This is only if both parents are in the right mind set to raise them. It is always better to have a happy home either way it goes.

My advise is to, first of all, be very very careful about who you have children with. I know that I didn't do such a great job at that, but I hope to teach my children from my mistakes. Get them to believe that it is God's commandment to be married first. I also don't believe in down talking the absent parent in front of the children. From my experience, this only makes the children gravitate toward the absent parent. Be honest with your children. Of course, the level of information given to them, depends on the maturity of the child. For instance, a 4 year old wont understand that their father or mother is a drug addicted.

Being a single mother is never going to be easy. There is going to be a lot of hard times. There will be moments that your child will feel that they hate you and express it bluntly. You are going to feel overwhelmed and alone. There will be stressful moments that make you wonder if you have made the right choices for them. You might even want to pull your hair out, drive off a cliff, or hang them in the closet by their toes, but all in all, being a mother is the greatest gift that the Lord can give a woman. If you just embrace it and cherish it, THE LORD can and will lead you through. Always raise you children with a God first mentality and even when things do fall off track, the Lord will shine a light to bring you back.

My son was born on June 9th, 2000. He was a planned pregnancy. I was 17 when I got pregnant and turned 18 in the month after I had him. I understand now that I was pretty young, but my thoughts then were that I had already raised a bunch of kids that weren't mine. From brothers to cousins and even a few from a couple different relationships. But I wanted my own that nobody could take from me.

The pregnancy was great, for the most part. I had gained 51 pounds, got stretched from chest to calves and my nose stayed red for some reason. Other then that, I loved being pregnant. I think the greatest feeling is feeling your baby move around in side of you. That is something nobody can take from you and no man will ever experience! The worst part was the labor and delivery. I went into labor at 9pm on the night I was due and gave birth to him at 9:07pm the next night. At first I didn't want an epidural, being afraid that something would go wrong. But hours into it, because the pain was unbarring, they called a doctor in to convince me that it would be the best thing for both the baby and I. I was so weak from the pain, there was no way I would have had the strength to push when it came time. So I got the epidural, and let me tell you, it was the greatest thing that man has ever invented for labor pains!! Seth ended up getting stuck in the birth canal for like 3 hours, because, he had a big head and wide shoulders. The doctor had to use the vacuum to pull him out. When he finally came out, he wasn't breathing and his callor bone was broke. It was the worst feeling that I had ever felt! Thank God that everything ended up turning out just fine.

His father and I knew he was a boy from day one. You would think that a man would want to be a part of his child's life, expecialy his first born son. He was in and out through out the whole pregnancy and he was there when Seth was born. Three months after that, I found out he had been on drugs the whole time, so I left him and gained full soul legal and soul physical custody of my son. The sad thing is, that his father only lived right down the block from us. He would stop by in the middle of the night to try and see him. He would bring him toys that he got from the drug addicts that he sold dope to. I put a stop to that real quick. He got lock up, with no surprise, before Seth was even a year old. The next time Seth seen his father, it was a month before he turned 2 years old. His father wanted to take him over night, and because Seth had no idea who this man was and for the fact that his father had a criminal history, I said NO! He got mad and took me to court to fight for custody. Needless to say, he lost.

That was the last time we saw him until, more recently, when Seth asked to meet his father. I had always made it a priority, that when my son was old enough to ask to meet him, I would do my best to find him. So I did. February of 2008, Seth got to meet his father and his new little brother. Seth thought he was the coolest dad. He had bought Seth a remote control car and took him to ride a 4 wheeler at the house he was staying at. This only lasted for a couple weeks. Then his father started not showing up to pick him up, and then just disappeared, again! Seth keeps telling me, "I told my dad that if he stayed out of jail, that I would give him my rocket shooter, and he couldn't even listen!" That hurts my heart. I know what its like to have your father not show up and be in and out of jail. I never wanted my children to experience that pain. His father, even with a child support order in place, has never given me anything to help support my son.

My daughter was born on May 17th, 2008. She was, unfortunately, an unwanted pregnancy. I was 25 when I gave birth to her. The only reason I didn't get an abortion was because the Lord asked me not to. For whatever reason, she is meant to be here. Who am I to interfere with the Lord's work!

My pregnancy with her was completely opposite of my son. I was sick form day one. I head headaches everyday, some were so bad that I couldn't get out of bed. At 6 months the doctors told me that the placenta was low. I'm sure that the reason I was so sick and disconnected with the pregnancy was because I didn't want to be pregnant in the first place. The wonderful thing was the labor and delivery. I was feeling different all day Friday, I knew something was up. I started having light contractions later in the evening. At midnight I laid down and started timing them. By 1am, they were 2 minutes apart. I called my friends and I was on my way to the hospital. I already knew that I wanted an epidural! Seth was brought to the hospital by my room mate around 5:30am. By 8am, the nurses came in telling me that its about time. They got me prepped and ready to go. Only about 3 pushes and out came Lyzaea. As soon has she came out, my body felt like it took a deep relaxing breath! Seth got to watch the whole thing. He was also the first to hold here. He says she smelled like pancake mix.

Lyzaea's father was not there. I had left him only days after I found out that I was pregnant. It was only a 4 month relationship that was bad by the second month. He was controlling, insecure, violent and every other thing that comes along with an abusive man. He did nothing but cause problems through out my pregnancy. He kept calling and coming by my job to harass me. He kept telling me how much he is still in love with me. I even tried to get a restraining order on him, but when we went to court, he sweet talked the judge and she only gave me a No HAM order. That is the stupidest thing I had ever heard of. A week after I had Lyzaea, I called her father to let him see her. Hoping that maybe him seeing her would somehow change him. Boy was I wrong. He was still all about how much he was in love with me and how he was going to do everything he could to get me back. I had to get into an argument with him just to get him to give me money. He had told everybody he knew that we were getting back together. He supposedly had a bunch of stuff for her at his house. I never saw a thing. The more I told him that we were never going to be together again, the more angry he got. He even got mean with me at my church when we did our visits there.

I had lost my job in January while I was pregnant, so I was living off of unemployment and then disability. The place that I was living in was owned by The Salvation Army, and was set to be torn down. With evictions on my credit, there was no way anybody else would rent to me. I wasn't able to get help from welfare because disability paid me to much. So with no help and a crazy baby daddy harassing me, I did what I felt the Lord was leading me to do. Without notifying anybody but my family, close friends and church, I packed my little car with all of our clothes and important items, and moved. Her father found out that I left the first day. He only called one person to try and find out where I had went. I've got information from people that all he cries about is missing me and how depressed he is because he messed up what we had. He hasn't once asked or cried about Lyzaea. Its kinda sad! But I've done it on my own once before and with the Lord's help, I can do it again!